A father's day thought by Grace Sibanda

It is Father's day and I am genuinely concerned about the state of fatherhood in this world, history will always repeat itself but do we leave it up to that to see what brand of fathers the future holds. 

I am of the believe that you can catch them whilst they are still young as in Ndebele we say 'isigogo sigoqwa sisasemanzi' (cow skin is shaped whilst it's still wet), this may be a truth but in living I am realizing that perhaps we may need to adapt use of chemicals to fix the folding that was not done so well. Perhaps it was done well yet somewhere along the way it has gotten messed up. Being in my 20s I am surrounded by a lot of peers who are trying to figure this life thing out. 

I can attest to the fact that most have honestly told me that they do not have a clue what it means to be a father to another human being mostly because they have had absent fathers, presently absent fathers, or no fathers at all. This brand of fathers of the future holds the hope that when it happens it will happen and they will make it work then. Isn't that like beating about the air hoping to win the war. 

What's needed is intentional fatherhood which I believe is still possible. I believe the church environment has become pivotal to the grooming of these gentleman. Many spiritual fathers have taken up the role of a father as well, many bishops, elders, and brothers too are doing the same. What then happens with those who do not exist within structures such as the church structures?

Hence I am genuinely concerned. The other reality is that we cannot guarantee succession without actual families, yes there's science but belonging to a family is beyond science. The family unit is a pivotal structure to a human being's balance and development, you can be a single successful rich aunt Sis but what's the point of it all if you do not leave your legacy to continue your work or share in your wealth. Perhaps you like me believe adoption is a great idea, many orphans out there. Orphanages are getting full, yes I agree. We should by all means adopt however I believe that the definition of the family unit has transformed greatly over the years. 

Your family unit may be different from the rest however what we need is present fathers for all our daughters and sons of the future. I have faith in that it is not too late to attempt to address this. Below are contents of a short letter I shared on my facebook last year addressing my younger and older brothers;

"A letter to my younger and older brothers in Christ.

I've seen the pressure you all go through from the time when you are just a boy, the pressure to please the hommies. The pressure to do what you don't agree with to look like you're the man. The pressure to hurt girls and disobey your parents and rebel because of amajita. Brother man listen it is not worth falling into. Although you are responsible for every choice you make I do not blame you the stature of a father is broken in our society, but bro I need you to take courage and stand for what is right. You may have had an absent father, or no father at all but God is your ever present father. You may be struggling today trying to make a name for yourself keep on keeping on you will get there just don't take shortcuts. 

I urge you to flee immorality such a life is the equivalent of selling your whole destiny just for temporary sexual pleasure, its not worth it bra. You may not have a slay queen, or the vrrrr pha, or be staying in Sandton; relax those are worthless passive things compared to the empire you are building. Alcohol is only for those who are foolish at heart, when have you seen a respectable, a millionaire or such drown themselves in alcohol. They know the value of good health, a sound mind and stay away from alcohol. If anything plan, plan every move and allow God to lead you, not that you will become a Pastor or anything you will just be a God fearing nigga. My sisters need you to do right by God and be the PRIEST of your household. Sons and daughters to come need better fathers so hold on to Jesus fam, hold on, work hard create wealth. Let the world and its money and lust pass you by. Marry a good woman a God fearing woman and see the worth of such. Don't give up yet, God will help you through. Find a Good church that is near you, Its time to set things right. Its not too late.

Your Sis in Christ"

Reflecting on this letter. I will perhaps add that there is a need for you as a young man to educate yourself about two things, the first being what exactly it means to be a married man. Read that again, a married man. We have men married on paper but they live and behave like single men. Perhaps that is one of the causes of us now having absent fathers because he is constantly showing up for everything else except his own. A real man will set his priorities straight and not give in to pressure, manipulation, seduction, trickery of any jezebel waiting for him to trip up. Marriage requires you to be single in the sense that you know and have discovered your purpose and are fully complete in Christ and are one. It is only in this state that you can then pursue the one for you, your helper. Then again this helper is not easily found in the marketplace, she is like a diamond dug for deep down in difficult things, facing your true self because she will pick that up the moment you try to get close to her. She will speak to the man in you and not the boy in you, she will look like a lot of work to get through, naturally it will seem like a lot to go through but nothing ever comes out of easy things. I do not by any means mean that you have to force things with anyone and when it's difficult it means it is right. That is far from my point, which is that probably a true daughter of Zion is not the kind that will flirt her way into your heart, flatter you with charm to get the ring, pursue you endlessly to make things work. She is the kind found in the prayer room making sure that her eyes are constantly open so she can pray about your vision, so she may know how to support your vision, many times she will seem like she is uninterested but that's because she walks by the Spirit and not what her emotions tell her. 

Before this becomes a sequel about marriage, the second thing to plan for and learn is how to be a father when you finally do. You get training on your business, your work, everything but this area you want to wing it? I think it should be better than that. Remember you are raising legends, you are raising kings, queens, future leaders. Plan out now, before your become a father how you want to raise your sons, how you want to raise your daughters. Pray for them, pray about them. Pray and get revelation on who each one of them is, write all this down and make sure that it is clear. There is no point talking about legacy without generational significance. It must be all clear and intentional. Why are you so intentional about money yet so careless about your first child? I urge you to plan, I urge you to make sure you prepare financially too. 

I began with life partners, marriage and ended with fatherhood because I do not by any means encourage you to have children before you get married. This exposes the child to a home structure that leaves them quite vulnerable and besides we are pursuing holiness, no engaging in sexual intercourse before marriage. Perhaps you already have a child or children, or you have engaged in sexual intercourse before marriage, not to worry, there is power in repentance, seek the face of God and His guidance in raising your child with whomever you are co-parenting with. Pray for forgiveness and begin to live in holiness as a man. Your erection should never give you direction. You are a man led by the Spirit of the living God and aren't cheap. She must be worth it all, she must be worth the wait, she must be worth the spiritual warfare, she must be worth building with, fulfilling your destiny with. She could also be all these things but are you worth committing to? Remember daughters of Zion are not asked for on the street, you ask their father God, if He grants her to you, pursue her with your all. Together you will raise legends and be a wonder in this generation.

I think the hope that is left for fatherhood is grooming men who seek the heart of God. Men who are genuine in their approach, men who are pursuing purpose and want to leave wealth for generations to come. The time of flirting with the idea of your purpose is over, I challenge you today to take a stance and be intentional about your future children, your future partner or if you've gotten here already. Let's get fixing what's broken. 

My last remarks will be that nothing that comes easy is worth having, so do the hard thing and seek spiritual guidance in all things. Decisions made today may not show the consequences yet "kodwa hamba juba bazokucutha phambili" but go right ahead they will soon catch up you and it will be a more painful process then. Some men have done things they cannot fix up to this day. I cry with you if you are in this predicament, only God's mercy can redeem you now those who can still make decisions make it count make use of spiritual resources. 

Happy Father's Day.